A few years ago, I met with a talented author to discuss opportunities for bringing her work to a broader audience.

I felt sure that I could help her repackage her work into smaller, “bite-sized” pieces; ideal for blogging and social media.

During lunch, while I was talking away about my ideas, I happened to glance at my prospective client and noticed she was looking at me strangely.

When I asked her if I had said something confusing, she said, “I’m feeling really uncomfortable with you. I actually like your ideas but it feels like your pushing them at me and I’m just wanting to leave.”

Ugh! I felt stunned and somewhat embarrassed. But at the same time I knew there was a larger truth in what she was telling me. Because I wasn’t comfortable with the way the conversation was going either.

I wasn’t exactly sure what I was doing but I wanted to find out.

How We Push Clients and Customers Away

When I later told this story, a wise colleague said, “Oh, that’s a great example of what can happen when you’re going “Up and Out” rather than “Down and In.”

Huh!? Up and Out? Down and In? How could something that sounded like different yoga positions help me with sales conversations?

(With all due respect) Mom was Wrong

When I was little, my mom would tell me that her friends thought I was “very charming.” She meant it as a complement and I took it as such.

Unfortunately, the I began to believe that “being charming” was the key to getting what I wanted from people. My quest to be charming put me on the road to being “Up and Out.”

Up and Out versus Down and In

“Up and Out” and “Down and In” are both communications styles. They differ by where our attention is focused when we’re talking with others.

Up and Out

As the name implies, Up and Out is a style in which our focus is primarily on what we think other people want us to be.

The goal of Up and Out is to get others to feel a particular way so they’ll do what we want them to do. For example:

• impress someone so they’ll hire us
• amuse and entertain so they’ll want to be with us
• persuade and convince that what we’re selling is really that good so they’ll buy

Keep in mind that using Up and Out doesn’t make us bad people. It’s the standard operating system in our culture—especially when we don’t feel at ease. The less comfortable we are in a situation, the greater our tendency to go “Up and Out.”

The problem with Up and Out is it’s not very effective.

Returning to the situation I described at the beginning of the article, I was actually very lucky because the person I met with was perceptive enough to pick up on why she was uncomfortable and willing to say something to me.

It’s a lot more common for your prospect to act interested, tell you they need to “think about it” and disappear. “Poof”

Ironically, saying “Thanks, let me think about it and get back to you” is the Up and Out version of “No.”

Down and In

Down and in focuses on asking yourself “What’s true for me right now?” or “What’s my highest intention for this situation?”

It’s not that the other person isn’t important. It’s that where you respond from begins in your heart rather than your ego.

When you speak from a place of sincerity, the entire nature of the conversation changes.

In contrast to “Up and Out” in which there’s a sense of either tentativeness or a sense of aggressive pushing, when you speak from a “Down and In” space, there’s solidity and strength in what you say—even if you don’t have the answer.

“Down and In” conversations are also more engaging for everyone and inclusive because the focus is on personal responsibility for getting wants and needs met. Whereas Up and Out conversations are focused on people trying to guess what the other person needs and hoping someone will guess what they need.

Keys Having Down and In Conversations

Pay attention to where you are in your body as you speak.

When you’re speaking from an “Up and Out” place you’re in your head and you may notice your speaking from a place high in your chest.

When you’re speaking from a “Down and In” space you’re in your heart and you are speaking from your solar plexus.

Check the content of what you’re saying

“Up and Out” conversations are peppered with jargon and clichés. You may notice you’re saying stuff just to say something rather than to add anything meaningful to the conversation.

“Down and In” conversations are more purposeful. That doesn’t mean that every little word is going to be dripping with meaning and intention. But overall, there’s more substance and less fluff.

Keep asking questions that keep you close to what’s true

If you find the conversation moving into “Up and Out” mode, these questions will help you return your focus to your heart:

• What is my heart really longing for in this situation?
• What is my heart’s highest intention for this situation?
• What is it that I need so that we can make our best intentions a reality?

In my own experience, I’ve found that when I ask myself these questions or when I ask the other person, the conversation gets more focused on what matters and more productive.

The outcomes tend to be ones that everyone can agree on and most importantly, people follow-through willingly with what they commit to.

Bottom Line

Because sales conversations tend to be stressful for both the person selling and the person being sold to, we tend to lapse into an “Up and Out” style of communication.

Unfortunately, the “Up and Out” style tends to obscure our higher intentions and puts the focus on trying to “get” others in the conversation to do what we want.

When this happens we can come across as passive and tentative or pushy and aggressive. Either way we can end up putting prospects off and the relationship goes no where.

Although it’s not the standard operating style in our culture, “Down and In” is worth the effort to learn because it’s based on what’s true for each person in the conversation and results in committed agreements.

There was a time, not so long ago, when I believed with all my heart the the key to being a successful business owner lied in acquiring more skills and information.

How about you? Do you believe your success is based on what you know and what you can do?

If you’re pretty sure that you’ll take your business to the next level as soon as you:

• learn some guru’s sales secret
• master social marketing and attract oodles of subscribers and followers and friends
• learn C++ or consultative sales skills, or can speak fluent Spanish
• read that best-selling business book that everybody is talking about

You probably believe to a greater or lesser extent that success depends on how much you know and the number of skills you possess.

It’s a seductive promise: learn more and you’ll get more. It’s particularly seductive if your success is based primarily on your reputation as an expert or your mastery of a particular skill.

I’ve found, however, that after a point, what you know is far less important than who you are.

My Very Unhappy Client

I have a client who was unhappy with my work to thank for my insight about the relative importance of my character.

Recently I began working with a new client. Things seemed to get off to a good start. We had a good initial discussion and I felt I could help with their marketing goals.

Our first meeting didn’t go well, however. A few days later, my client sent me an email expressing their disappointment with my work. They felt I was not well-prepared and I didn’t seem to understand what they and their business needed.

This was really hard, painful, for me to hear. I for sure could have been more thorough around preparing.

The piece about “not understanding their needs” was harder because one of my strengths is understanding some of the more subtle qualities that make clients special so they can bring those qualities out more visibly in their marketing.

My initial instinct was to “fix” the situation. To “prove” to this client that I could be whatever they needed me to be.

So I wrote a sincere apology to my client taking responsibility for my lack of preparation and admitting that I could have done a better job listening and asking questions.

I asked what their goals were and what would it would look like if they met their goals. The client told me they were wanting help with specific marketing activities, how to get better results from what they were already doing, that sort of thing.

So between that time and our second session I was a fount of helpful marketing “how to” information.  I focused on being helpful and generous.

My client was very appreciative and assured me that my suggestions and ideas were very valuable.

After our second session which seemed to go a lot better than the first, my client told me that “it just wasn’t clicking.” They couldn’t say exactly why other than they had better experiences with other marketers they had worked with.

What I did was I listened, I didn’t argue, and when the client finished, I thanked them for their candor, apologized that our current situation hadn’t worked out and offered recommendations to two other marketing consultants who might serve this clients’ needs better.

What My Unhappy Client Taught Me

Given a choice I wish there were an easier way to learn then making mistakes and dealing with painful consequences.

But I’ve yet to find that easier way.

I learned two lessons from this experience:

Lesson #1.  Character Pays

Part of being a person of character has to do with being fully responsible as a business owner. It doesn’t mean being responsible for the other person’s happiness or success.

But it does mean being fully responsible for everything that was within my ability to control: how I showed up, my preparation, what I did to make things right, and how I responded to their dissatisfaction.

Lesson #2 Character Often Trumps Know-how and Skills

I learned my second lesson during a conversation with a smart friend and colleague. We were talking about my situation and my friend pointed out that there were several times when it seemed I hadn’t listened as well as I could have to my client.

Had I known I might have picked up on some subtle cues that they were feeling frustrated and misunderstood. I said, “Wow, there’s so much to being fully present with another person. It’s so easy to get disconnected. I bet I could have known half of what I do of marketing and it may not have mattered if I were just paying more attention.

The second point was the big insight for me. I’ve heard more experienced consultants and coaches say that their knowledge of the client’s particular business is far less important than how they were showing up. Frankly I thought it was a bunch of “woo woo” coaching crap.

However, I’m now appreciating the importance of character and maturity, and accountability.

Bottom Line

If your success as a business owner is due in part to your expertise and skill and you’ve spent years building your expertise and skills, I commend you. It takes real commitment to get to the level you’re at.

However, after a point, what matters more is your capacity to deal with any situation with character and responsibility. I believe people will forgive a lot if you show up as a committed, responsible, and caring.

Earlier this year, I was working at a sales training seminar and we were on the topic of  handling customer objections.

A participant who owns a massage therapy practice was asking how to best address a prospective client who didn’t want to follow his recommended course of treatment.

We opened the question up to other audience members to share their experience. A couple people spoke up and their advice, however well-intended, just felt off to me.

The advice focused on listening and negotiating with the prospect: finding a compromise position between what the prospective client was willing to do and what the massage therapist was prescribing.

I took the microphone back, and said, “You know what, you’ve been a massage therapist for years. You know what works and what doesn’t work. You’re the expert here and if you don’t think what you’re client is asking for is going to help, tell them that and stand firm on your recommendation.”

It was uncomfortable to disagree with these other two professionals. They had a lot of experience in sales and marketing but in this case they were missing an important point:

When you own a business and offer expert advice, you’re the boss. You’re the leader and customers are coming to you for your leadership.

Isn’t Saying “What I Say, Goes” Arrogant and Obnoxious?

Well, yes, actually, that is pretty arrogant and obnoxious.

But that’s not what I’m suggesting.

To explain let’s look for a moment at the bigger picture of what it means to own a business.

A concept mentioned by all the great spiritual teachers is that of the “servant-leader.” In Christianity the term “stewardship” is often used.

In more secular terms, the servant-leader means that the real authority is a higher power: something bigger and grander than just us: a greater good in the universe.

If you created your business as a means to make money and to make a positive difference, your position as a business owner is an interesting one.

In a sense your business is a vehicle to serve a greater good and you get to be a steward: entrusted to do the right thing.

Part of doing the right thing is serving your customers. And in my book, if the value your business offers is based in your expertise, serving customers requires that you be an expert and stand in what you know as an expert.

Drawing the Line Between Being an Expert in Service vs. Being an Argumentive Jerk

Ok so where do you draw the line? I mean there are plenty of experts out there who have lots of legitimate expertise but are still being jerky.

Well this is where we check into our hearts and look at our motives.

Let’s go back to the example of the massage therapist.

The basis of the disagreement between the massage therapist and his client was around what was going to best help the client.

I don’t recall the exact basis of the disagreement but let’s just say the the massage therapist tells the client they need to come in weekly if they want help with severe lower back pain.

The client says, “I’m really busy and I can’t afford to come in every week, can’t I get the same results if I come in a couple times this month?”

The massage therapist has years of training and experience. He knows that if the client doesn’t follow his recommendation chances are really good that the client won’t the relief he wants.

This is a situation when, as an expert and business owner, it’s important to step into your role as a leader. Your role is to check in with your expertise and conscience for the best course of action to help your customers get the support they’ve come to you for.

The client may not like your recommendation and that’s ok. They may even leave and go to a competitor. It’s painful to lose a customer but customers who can’t or won’t follow your guidance aren’t going to be served by you anyway.

Keys to Being a Non-Jerky Boss

I realize motives can be tricky. Are you taking a stand because you’re on an ego trip and you’ve got to be right or is it primarily because you’re trying to be of service to your customers and clients.

Key #1 Give yourself a Break: You’re Human!

Just the fact that you’re asking the question shows an admirable willingness to find a better way of doing things.

No one does anything—in business or otherwise—because of a single motive. Maybe you’re in business mostly because you want to make a difference but hey your ego likes being seen as an expert and and maybe a very small part of you wants to prove to naysayers that it can be done.

Empathy for yourself is not a luxury, it’s a necessity for having effective relationships with others…including clients.

Key #2  Clarify, really why are you taking the position you’re taking?

It’s not easy taking a stand–especially if it’s likely to be unpopular. Which is why it helps to stand solidly in why you’re holding you’re particular point of view.

I find it helpful to ask yourself, “What’s my highest intention in this situation?”

In the case of the massage therapist, his highest intention isn’t absence of pain for his patients although that is one outcome they get. His highest intention is to help clients become more aware of their bodies so they can learn to prevent conditions that led to the pain to begin with.

Key #3  Find empathy for others

In our culture, it’s easy to mistake taking a position for being “right” and those who don’t share our position as being “wrong.”

And when we get attached to our “right way” of doing something we can sound critical and judgmental which leads to resistance and defensiveness in the other person and drives them away.

A quote I really appreciate  from Thomas J. Leonard’s book, Simply Brilliant is:

People are always doing their best, even when they aren’t

Some things that have helped me develop my sense of empathy:

• even if I don’t agree with someone’s reason it still feels true for them
• it’s possible that I’m not the best person to help the other person get what they need
• remember there’s a greater good in charge of outcomes–I’m just a steward

Key #4 Remember it isn’t About Being Right; It’s About Providing Leadership for Those Who Want What You Offer

This is probably the most important point to remember. It isn’t about you being right for everyone who might need your service.

But there are people, your “tribe” if you prefer, who are seeking others they can do business with who share your values. These are the customers who resonate with your highest intention.

You’re job is to stand strongly in your position for these customers so they can find you and feel supported by you. This how you are in service.

Bottom Line

When you own a business and offer expert advice, you’re the boss. You’re the leader and customers are coming to you for your leadership.

But just because you’re in charge doesn’t mean you have license to be a jerk.

Effective leadership means remembering you’re in the position your in to serve a greater good: to support the customers who share your values and need the solutions your business offers.

One piece of advice I’m hearing again and again is the importance of taking good care of your “core customers.” The customers who have been working with you for years, who send you referrals, and who return again and again to buy from you.

Loyal customers are vitally important during difficult economic times like we’re currently experiencing because they’re less expensive to sell to: you don’t have to spend weeks sometimes months building credibility because they’re already sold.

But what if your business is relatively new and you just don’t have many customers who are coming back yet? Or what if you just lost several of your business customers and you need to cultivate new relationships?

Can you do something to accelerate the process of turning casual customers into raving fans who sing your praises?

Enter the art of creating a fully satisfying customer experience.

A Satisfying Experience is the Key

A “satisfying customer experience” means that the many ways that your customers interact with and use your products are designed to satisfy in a meaningful way.

This goes far beyond solving the customer’s basic problem.

And this is where the magic can happen.

Dimensions of a Fully Satisfying Experience

Customer experience is all about “how” a problem is being solved. And this “how” can be broken down into different types of experience including:

• Physical senses: sight, sound, taste, smell, and touch
• Emotions that come up (happy, curious, interested, annoyed, amused)
• Heart-based connection (feeling like the other people have empathy for your situation)
• Intellectual connection (how you go about solving problems; how you learn; vocabulary you use)

The more of these dimensions that are touched in an appropriate way, the more satisfying your customer’s experience will be.

Customer Experience: Albuquerque Turkey

I can’t think of a better product that we can all relate to than food so I’ll talk about my experience at Spinelli’s Market, a local deli/grocery store to which I love going—especially for their awesome sandwiches.

Although Spinelli’s sells some mainstream brands of snacks and soft drinks, the best parts of the store are the aisles of imported Italian foods, pastas, sauces, and olive oil and the deli counter where they sell salads and cut to order deli meats.

The awesome sandwiches are also made at the deli counter.

You give your sandwich order along with your choice of sides (pickle, a deli salad or fresh fruit or chips) to one of the guys working behind the counter and they make your sandwich while you wait.

I usually use the time to browse through the stores aisles and pick something to drink.

When your sandwich is ready, the counter guy will call your name.

You then take your sandwich wrapped in white butcher paper along with whatever else you’re buying to the front to pay.

Sometimes I eat my sandwich in the store at one of the little metal tables in the front and sometimes I take my sandwich home.

Those sandwiches always make an impression. Every time I’ve brought a family member or a friend or a business associate to Spinelli’s for sandwiches, they will ask from that time forward “when are we going to that great sandwich place again?”

Spinelli’s sandwiches are a great example of a supremely satisfying experience.  Here’s why:

• The ingredients of the sandwiches are always fresh, usually organic
• The Spinelli family is very mindful of where they source the ingredients. They support local farms and dairies and when possible, buy from family owned businesses.
• You feel like someone took the time to really think about what to put in a particular sandwich. All the flavors meld together in unique and wonderful ways.
• Everyone working at the store is friendly and know many of the customers on a first name basis.
• When you’re done eating it’s not just your stomach that feels full. Your heart feels full too because You’ve eaten something prepared with thought and care and because buying lunch from a local business contributes to the health of your community.

Now take a moment and compare this experience with visiting a big franchise place like Subway or Taco Bell.

Creating a More Satisfying Experience for Your Customers

So what about your business, what can you do to create a more fulfilling, satisfying experience with your prospects and customers?

Here are four steps I recommend to get you started.

Step #1 Remember Why You Started a Business to Begin with

Before jumping into the specifics, I think it’s important to take a moment to remember why you started your own business. Was it because:

• you saw a better way to do something than what other companies were offering at the time?
• something you’re passionate about that you wanted other people to experience?
• something important to you that you wanted to actively support through your business?

And make sure your heart is fully engaged too. When your heart is fully engaged you enable customers to engage with their hearts as well.

Step #2 Ask Yourself, “How is the Reason Behind my Business Showing Up in My Products and Services?”

If you started your business because you care deeply or have a passion or have a true innovation, I imagine it’s showing up in the products and services you offer. Even without deliberate effort.

Take a look at what you currently sell and in what ways is the care and love for your business showing up in your products and services.

For example, the Spinelli family supports the Slow Food movement, a grass roots movement which encourages people to eat locally grown and produced whole foods.

In addition to sandwiches, the Spinelli family produces and markets a line of Italian sauces and sells made-from-scratch entrees that busy customers can heat and eat at home.

Step #3 Ask Yourself, “Are There Ways Customers Can Experience More of What We Care About?”

My guess is that if you sell something special, your customers know.

But if you aren’t talking about what goes into creating your products and services, they may not know how to articulate this difference to other people.

If this is the case, you and your customers are missing an opportunity for word of mouth marketing.

For example, one of my clients creates girls dresses using patterns and fabrics from the 1950′s and 1960′s. I love her work because the dresses are cute without being frilly or fussy.

But there are lots of cute kids clothing lines out there. I felt her products were something special I suggested to her, as part of her marketing, to share the story behind how she found the pattern and why it appealed to her.

Her stories are funny and entertaining and they help store owners who carry her lines and the customers who buy the outfits feel involved in something special and unique.

Step #4 Choose One Small Change to Make so Customers Feel More Engaged and Satisfied

By far, the easiest change you can make is to tell your story to customers so they understand why you have the business you have and sell the products and services you sell.

Sharing your story helps people feel more engaged and satisfied for several reasons:

1. They have a way to articulate to others a reason for trying your products and services. Referring others helps your customers look good to others and you want to make it as easy as possible for them to do so.
2. It allows customers to feel like a part of something larger. When you share your story those who share your experience or point of view find a kindred spirit to be with.
3. Stories are easy to understand and remember because they touch us not only intellectually but emotionally. Human beings seem ”pre-wired” to absorb and integrate information that comes in narrative form.

Bottom Line

To create more raving fans it’s important to understand what makes your products and services uniquely satisfying to current customers.

This satisfying experience goes beyond simply solving a problem…a satisfying experience engages the senses and emotions as your customers use your products and services.

Four steps I recommend for creating a more satisfying experience are:

1. Think back to why you started your business to begin with
2. Ask whether that reason is reflected in the products and services you sell
3. Find ways in which your clients can experience what makes your products and services special
4. Find an opportunity to tell a story and more fully engage your customers

How to use storytelling to make your marketing more compelling and effective.

Two excellent examples given in Retail Email blog:

http://www.retailemailblog.com/2009/06/am-inbox-short-form-story-telling-in.html

Wabi-sabi is a Japanese term for finding beauty in what is imperfect. It’s not unusual to find Japanese crafts, especially pottery, that is left slightly unfinished to demonstrate wabi-sabi.

Marketing your small business may seem galaxies away from Japanese tea cups but it’s actually very relevant.

Research shows that customers actually prefer a little imperfection in marketing. This makes intuitive sense. As human beings we want to be seen and to connect with others in our transactions. As much as we like to say it’s “just business” people don’t make purchase decisions like computers. We need to feel we can trust the seller before we’ll part with our money.

Think of the last time you felt uncomfortable with a sales offer. Not because there wasn’t anything overtly wrong but because it was a little “too slick.”

Still, as sellers we often worry about creating the “perfect” marketing copy or giving the “perfect” sales presentation. Only then will we seem expert enough to be worthy of the sale.

Relax. Customers actually prefer a little roughness around the edges. It helps them relax around their own insecurities (and when someone is buying something from you, what are they doing but buying a solution that they themselves can’t do for themselves).

For more on the psychology of imperfection, see this Marketing Profs article http://www.marketingprofs.com/short-articles/798/so-you-wanna-be-a-swan or check out Vicki Kunkel’s new book, Instant Appeal: 8 Primal Factors that Create Blockbuster Success.

Last week I received an email from my local liquor store asking me to oppose a piece of legislation that would hurt their business — possibly enough to put them out of business altogether.

The problem is, I support the legislation. Not because I want something bad to happen to the liquor store; I’ve shopped there for years, the owner and staff are extremely friendly, and they have a very decent selection of wines which is mainly why I go there.

The legislation, if passed, makes it legal for grocery stories to sell full strength beer (currently grocery and convenience stores can sell only 3.2 beer).

In most states, you can buy wine and beer at grocery stores. I love the convenience of being able to pick up a bottle or two of wine along with the rest of my groceries. I’ve always been annoyed that for rather arcane reasons, this isn’t possible in Colorado.

What interests me about this situation is the liquor store’s reasoning. In their letter they said the proposal will negatively impact liquor stores especially stores like theirs which is located next to a major chain store. Why should I oppose the proposal? Because it will hurt small independent stores like theirs.

But the real issue however is misreading what customers value.

In my opinion, giving my support to a business because “they’re nice people” and “they’ve been in business for over 50 years,” is not a good enough reason. It certainly pales to my ability to save time every week when I’m running around town doing errands.

The arguments that buying at the local liquor store helps small businesses and contributes to the local economy is a better argument. But still not enough for me to oppose the legislation.

Bottom line: they get my money if they offer real, unique value to me as a customer. The liquor store can still survive if they can offer something substantially different and appealing from what is offered by the grocery store. It might be a unique wine selection or partnering with liquor distributors and restaurants.

I would feel bad if the store went out of business because I like the owner and staff. But much as a I like them, I’d still rather do it all in one trip than two.

Something we can all learn from.

Does this sound familiar?

You’ve decided to start a new business…or you’ve created a new product…or you’ve finally decided to create a website for your existing business…and you need a domain name.

So you go to a domain registration site like Godaddy and type in the URL you want (for example “marketingforeveryone.com”) and find out…

… someone else already owns the name.

In fact your three favorite domain names are taken.

What About the Alternatives?

But wait! Only the domain names ending with “.com” are taken. You can still get the domain name you want if you register using “.info”, “.us”, “.biz”.

In fact, you can register your preferred domain name as just about anything. Except as a “.com.”

Like many small business owners, you wonder, “do I really need to register my domain as ‘.com’?”

I’ve asked this question myself when trying to find the right domain name. It’s utterly maddening to submit one domain name after another only to learn each is taken.

The Reason to Choose Dot Com for Your Domain (Even though it takes more time to find one that is available)

The reason lies in why people visit your website to begin with.

People are visiting your website because your business offers them something that want: information, a solution, entertainment, etc. Whether or not they visit is based on how likely they think you can provide what they’re looking for. They also want to feel safe. The want to feel that behind the website there is a business owner who cares.

Contrast this with websites domains like 1000leads4U.biz, loansnow.info, and cheapbizcards.us.

Domain names like these feel opportunistic. They suggest the business owner is focused primarily on making a quick buck with the absolute minimum investment in time and attention.

Don’t know about you but those aren’t the types of businesses I want to give my phone number to much less my credit card number.

Bottom Line

It’s worth taking the time and energy to find a .com domain name for your business’s website or blog.

Despite the availability of options (.biz, .tv, .us, .info), people still associate .com with the qualities of trustworthiness and commitment to customer service. Everything else being equal, customers will still choose .com over the alternatives.

In May, 2006, our very feeble and elderly cat Spike peed on our queen sized down comforter. Needless to say, we took the comforter off our bed vowing to bring it to the dry cleaners “soon.”

The problem is that no one wanted to lug the comforter to the dry cleaners.

So it sat…and sat…and sat some more up in the attic. Unused and unwashed.

Finally, I got so sick and tired of using our red acrylic blanket that sheds little pills of red fluff on everything, I buckled down and looked in the yellow pages for a dry cleaners that not only cleaned down items but offered pick up and delivery.

The first cleaner I called sounded so competent that I nearly wept for joy. This was until he asked me where I was located and seemed puzzled by the cross streets. It turned out he was located in Boulder, CO which is a good 30-minute drive from Denver. He apologized and said he couldn’t figure out why he kept getting listed in the Denver yellow pages.

The next cleaner I called looked promising. Their advertisement said they had been in business for over 30-years, were family owned, and best of all, offered free pick up and delivery. When I called them, the woman on the other end confirmed that yes, they cleaned down comforters and yes, they would be happy to pick up our comforter. The driver would call me the next morning.

The next day, Tuesday, I lugged the comforter downstairs so it would be near the front door. Then I waited to hear from the driver. By noon, I decided the driver probably wasn’t going to call and decided it wasn’t urgent enough to make a fuss about.

On Wednesday, the lady I spoke with called and asked whether the driver had ever called. When I said no, she told me he could pick it up on Friday and asked when someone would be around. I told her he could pick it up anytime between 8:00 am and noon.

So I intentionally stuck around until noon. The driver never called or showed up. So I called the dry cleaners to find out what was going on. The lady told me that he was doing something with “draperies” and got so busy he couldn’t call.

I’m always amused in an annoyed way when someone tells me why they didn’t follow through. Especially people I don’t know. I didn’t say this but I didn’t give a crap why they delivery guy was late. As far as I was concerned he could have been orbiting the Earth repairing the International Space Station. I didn’t care so long as he showed up when he said he would and took my comforter.

We scheduled, again, for him to pick up the comforter early Saturday morning. This, time he did, in fact show up to pick up the comforter. However, he didn’t give us a ticket or tell us when the comforter would be ready and delivered.

Later that day, I called the dry cleaners to ask what the deal was. The lady (same one I’d been talking to over the last week or so) told me “it takes at least a week.” “So, I asked, could I expect to have the comforter back by the follow Saturday?” “Well,” she said, “it will be clean but he’ll drop it off when he can schedule it in.”

Meaning? This dry cleaner may advertise they offer pick up and delivery but don’t count on any set day or time.

Just writing this spikes my blood pressure.

In seems extraordinary to me that, with a dry cleaner on every corner in the city of Denver, that this dry cleaner would just suck so much. Possibly they have all the business they can possibly handle. Possibly they work primarily with businesses not residences.

It doesn’t matter.

1. If they advertise that they offer pick up and delivery and feature it prominantly in their Yellow Pages ad, I expect them to cheerfully offer pick up and delivery.

2. I think most reasonable customers would expect that pick up and delivery would be at their convenience and could be dependably scheduled.

3. If #1 and 2 are no longer the case, I would expect the dry cleaners to tell me.

4. After the delays I experienced, I would expect the dry cleaners to give me a nice big discount for the hassles.

Obviously, they won’t be seeing me again. I’m still thinking about how to best make my point so that there is a shadow of a chance they will understand why I’m unhappy.

There’s a lot of crappy service, that doesn’t mean I have to put up with it. Still have the dilemma of finding a good dry cleaner that picks up and delivers in Denver.

The other day I visited a website that was recommended to me by a good friend.

It’s a website for working moms and I’m a working mom so I checked it out.

But I didn’t get too far past the home page because I was so turned off by the image they used. The image, an illustration, showed a skinny, sleek, couture-clad woman who is ready to conquor the world.

I have never looked like this. Ever. Maybe 1/2 of 1% of all working moms look something like this.

The minute I saw that image I had an immediate disconnect and I didn’t want to go any further into the web site. The content might be fabulous but the image spoke very loudly to me. Here is what it said to me:

• We’re a “me too” organization. All the other websites that are trying to attract upscale, professional women use illustrations like this so we will too.
• We don’t have a very good understanding of who we want to reach. So we’re using a rather bland “catch all” piece of clip art.
• We’re not going to get too deep. We’re not going to raise sensitive issues or make our audience uncomfortable.
• We’re going to give you the same pre-digested, bland mush that every other website aimed at our demographic offers their customers

I’m not saying the creators of this website are dull, unoriginal, and superficial. They may be amazing people that I really ought to get to know. The problem is that the image they chose for the home page of their website communicated something very different to me.

The same holds true for those awful photographs that so many websites use.

You know the ones I’m talking about right? The well scrubbed, cheerful gal with the headset on who’s waiting to take your call?

Or the hip young go getter talking on his cell phone in with a glass skyscraper in the background.

The issue is this: people do business with real human beings. Not stereotypes. I don’t care how many websites use stock images and stock photos. It tells your customers and audience next to nothing about who you are and what your business is about. And what it does tell your prospects about you may be the exact wrong thing.

Love stock images? Hate ‘em? Click here to tell me.